Touching Base

Hmm, a quick one from me just because I haven't written for a while... my head's in a continual spin at the moment, so will try not to ramble too much. I finished up my contract with Round Earth early this month, and then walked the Freycinet Peninsula with Dav. Which was beautiful, but quite a hike - especially the last day, when we walked over Mt Graham (as seems traditional now, we got a bit of a view of the mountain, and the sense that there would have been amazing views, had it not fogged over completely as soon as we started to climb!). It was satisfying to see Wine Glass Bay again, and we were rewarded on the first evening we camped there with a glorious sunset (I have yet to see the photos! Have to bug Dav!). We headed out on the Friday, and stayed a night at a cute B&B down the coast (D-boy isn't too fussed about the heritage style B&Bs, but I love them, don't know exactly why! I think they appeal to the girly side of me :). We visited the Salamanca markets on Saturday and then stayed with the Daveys on Saturday night, before I flew out on Sunday (my flight was cancelled last minute, so instead of flying out at 7am, we got a sleep in and I left at midday, very civilised). The markets were nice, but a little disappointing in the lack of hand-made craft and the abundance of cheap or mass-made products; but this does seem to be the way many markets are going. Nothing escapes commercialism. It is depressing if you think about it for too long.

I found it quite sad and quite stressful leaving Strahan, and saying goodbye to the Davies. I wasn't expecting to feel this nostalgic or needy; it quite surprised and somewhat distressed me. But in hindsight, Strahan and the job with Round Earth was the most settled and satisfying job I have had since leaving home really. Which was perhaps why I somehow needed some acknowledgement of the decent job I'd done, and some indication that I'd be welcome back. I learnt an important lesson from this, and from listening to Dav - do the best you can, and be happy with that. Leave no footprints. Give without expecting back. It's a bloody hard lesson, and one I'll probably learn again and again in both my professional and personal life; but rather than regret I wish to choose to look forward with excitement to the next time, when I will learn more, and more deeply.

I flew into Brisbane and mum very generously picked me up from the airport and gave me a lift to the Old Museum, where Dave (from ZZZ) gave me a lift straight to Winterstomp! I went without knowing much at all about what was expected during the week, apart from the fact that it would be hard training - and it was; but I also wasn't expecting the creation work, and so felt somewhat unprepared and out of place (esp as half the participants were interns, and the average age was 18-20, making me feel old!!). It took me a day or two to really settle in with the group, and I noticed again how awkward I can feel and be when I am uncertain about things; but my recent experience leaving Strahan made me determined to do the course first and foremost for ME; I didn't want this experience to be about fitting in, or getting along - I wanted it to be about learning and delving into my strength. I needed to use it as a preparation for the practice at SITI - gearing myself up for that, and very quickly I was very glad to be there for just that purpose.

The theme of the week was "Who am I really"; and I don't know that I really connected with it as a whole; but I did do a lot of creation work on my being a twin (as early in the week this was a surprise revelation to almost everyone :). Which is ironic because I have now been home in Brisbane for a week, and have reverted to my usual insular, grumpy self that I become at home. The atmosphere in this house is just so tense - I know we do love each other as a family, but we sure have a funny way of showing it. And I am finding it almost impossible to counteract this enculturation in myself, let alone in the family as a whole. I want to be happy and to cheer the place up; but I find myself more and more listless, despondent and lost in my computer. Which is why I'm going to keep this short! Trying, trying....

On the practical side of things, I've got today and tomorrow to make sure I have everything packed properly to take to Melbourne and then O/S with me; to get my tax items ready for doing my return in Melbourne; and to do everything I need to do on the web (not sure when / if I'll get access in Melbourne!). I now have everything organised for my VISA application (I hope); and am crossing my fingers (very nervously!) that it will go through within the 3 weeks I have in Melbourne. Argh. And all I really want is a hug from Dav, which will not only make me feel better but help me clear my head and my heart I know. I miss u, boy. Sigh.