Franki's journal

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Location: Strahan, Tasmania, Australia

I have trained and worked in the theatre since leaving highschool; as a director, animateur, techie, and an actor. My focus since leaving university has been on acting, both in independent and mainstream theatre, and in film. I have so far only done small independent films; but am hoping to continue exploring this medium, and to one day make a living out of it. I am currently making a living out of interactive theatre (such as "The Ship That Never Was", a tourist pantomime in Strahan, Tasmania); and so while I've been based for the last 3 years in Melbourne, I do travel where the work is. I also come from a large family (3 brothers, 2 sisters), one of whom is my twin. She runs a massage clinic in Brisbane. All of my immediate family currently live in Brisbane, Qld - I am the only one braving it in the wilds of Melbourne and/or Tasmania. My boyfriend Dav lives in Melbourne, and is currently commuting when he can (and likewise me!) to see me down here, on the wild west coast. Ah, what we do for work in this crazy industry!

Thursday, February 22, 2007

Feeling fat? Why not pop a skinny pill!

Just watched a segment on Catalyst debating the success of current research into diet-pills, and the desire for a 'magic bullet' to help the 'obesity epidemic'. Having struggled somewhat with this in my late teens and early twenties, it was a real revelation to me to realise (only in the last couple of years) that what I put into my body, and how I expend it, has a direct (and unequivocal) effect on what weight I am, and how I feel both physically and emotionally about myself. Of course, this approach does take a little bit of discipline, balanced with a healthy dose of being generous to myself at times. So my initial response to the 'obesity epidemic' is, why don't those affected try eating less McDonalds, taking a little more time to cook themselves healthy meals in sensible portions, and ride to work instead of taking the car everywhere?

Of course, I then thought back to when the struggle felt confusing and unsolvable for me, and realised that many people may not WANT to believe it's so easy - because that kind of discipline and self-awareness is NOT easy, in many senses. It does require constantly checking in with yourself, and simply putting the physical effort and time into exercise, which is often hard to keep up motivation for. It requires having a longer term goal or series of goals. But we WANT a simple solution, without having to change anything else we do - we don't want to give up our fatty, tasty, or easy fast foods, or prioritise exercise over other, more immediately rewarding, leisure activities. Admittedly, there must be a percentage of the 'obesity epidemic' that struggle with medical reasons as to their weight gain, such as those with thyroid conditions, or those who due to previous injuries cannot do much cardio activity long-term without pain and loss of sleep.

But the general desire for a 'magic solution' is one that I have felt myself, and not just for loss of weight, but for a whole range of issues (many to do with image and related self-esteem). It no doubt has a direct relation to the purchase of detox and diet supplements, skin products, and even plastic surgery. And in the bigger picture, it surely has a relation to the way in which we are culturally looking for faster, easier and less painful solutions to our problems all the time (from diet pills to the need to keep up constantly with the latest mobile and digital technology, always changing to make 'communication' easier... teenagers texting each other rather than talking...).

But this also makes me think of the fact that, in my own experience and in my knowledge of things, we (as humans) tend to flourish most when we are challenged; under struggle or duress. Without struggle, we have nothing to overcome; without goals and things to be achieved, surely our lives become somewhat apathetic and day-to-day pointless. It makes me think of the way religion tends to flourish best in countries that need something to help them through the struggle; in third world countries as opposed to countries such as ours, where things tend to come more easily and there's no real need to believe in a higher power, or even to consider the bigger picture at all, for those of us plebs in society at large. It becomes easier every day for us to simply satisfy our moment-to-moment urges. And it seems to me that the 'powers-that-be' would encourage us in this. We are told that to visit Maccas for breakfast every morning is quick and easy, and cheap (so what if it's not compared to preparing urself some healthy breakfast at home?); and so we spend our money on that; then we spend more money on pills that will counteract the effects. I wonder how much money now goes into trying to come up with these instant solutions and overcome any side-effects they may have - and I wonder if it really is possible to come up with something that meddles so clearly with our physical, genetic, and/or emotional make-up without any side-effects? Are we really so all-powerful that we now consider ourselve able to manipulate nature to such great effect? Well, why not, if we can make money from it - and satisfy the right-here, and right-now...

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

Happy Birthday to me :)

Ok, well, it's a little late. My birthday was a week ago exactly. And I'm now officially a quarter of a century old. Argh!! I must be getting old - I'm no longer officially 'youth'!! I don't FEEL any different... but I do have this nagging inkling as I type this that maybe by now I should have sorted out what I'm doing and where I'm going a little more... actually, even as I type that I know that in truth I am pretty happy right now with where I'm going and what I'm doing; and I'm learning to trust the universe in that the future will take care of itself. When I think of my life now, compared to a year ago, I marvel at how much happier I am - working in a job that I love, with so much less 'certainty' or 'security', but also with so much less to tie me down - so many more doors to open. The constant rejection involved in pursuing acting or art in general as a career and vocation can at times be disheartening; but to offset this, is my growing realisation that I can make anything happen, if I have big enough vision.

For instance, only a week ago (just after my birthday), I realised that Dav and I could possibly perform at the Edinburgh Fringe... so instead of just thinking about it, I've started to look into it, and it might just work. I'm not sure what I'll get out of it, apart from a chance to perform in the largest fringe festival in the world; and not even sure if we'll get an audience (or even, at this stage, exactly what we'll be putting on!!) - but if I want to, I can make it happen. Making things happen is a lot simpler (and a lot more work also!) than I used to think it was. Ideally, of course, I'd love to put my own work on, self-devised, and research it and all, but perhaps this is a goal for further down the track. I am a little worried that my goals at the moment are all quite short term - the long-term is hazy - but on the other hand, I am getting better at embracing the essential to all artists, 'uncertainty'. I have, though, wanted to write or self-devise a show (perhaps solo; but now perhaps with Dav, which could be very exciting!) for some time now, and yet have not even started. I don't feel like I've found the right inspiration or topic; or even know what it will be. But maybe I should just start... Do I want it to be a historical piece though, or an autobiographical piece? A drama or a comedy? Performance art or script? I don't know the answer to any of these things, and I do tend to get stuck (like with many things) in not being able to see the wood for the trees. Eventually I know I am going to have to bite the bullet and just start writing - or working. Working on the floor does seem to work better for me; although I think if I could just find a topic / person I could research and start with material about them (as I did with myself for my life story at VCA) and use this a spring-board, it might be somewhat more useful than starting from nowhere. I am reading the papers now at least - but I still have found nothing to really grab onto... sigh.

Don't know how this post suddenly became about my lack of inspiration for a show. Oh, that's right, it was roughly about setting myself goals. I realised today that some of my goals are quite strong and driving. For instance, I'm much better disciplined in my eating and exercise habits in the last year or so, and find it a lot easier as that is a do-able goal for me - to lose weight and look and feel my best. The physical comes, not easily, but tangibly. To find and maintain paid acting work is also a goal that I am fulfilling at the moment; as is to save to travel O/S. To study in NY and in Europe is a doable goal this year; and I mustn't forget my goal of jumping out of a plane for my 25th birthday! Perhaps in June!!! To perform at the fringe is now on the agenda also, although it may just end up being visiting to have a look this time around, but who knows. If we can somehow keep costs down, it's possible we can do a show while there as well... I keep thinking about S-J and Mark's show, "Kissy Kissy", and how fantastic it was, even though it was quite abstract and simply about a relationship that could never quite get there. Perhaps we could start there too...

Oh, and I should probably put, 'getting my tax done' on my definite list of goals for this year, before June!! Eek.

So much to do. And interestingly enough, this job, while having more down-time than any other job I've had, also manages to chew into ur energy, so that I tend to do not a lot on that down-time. On the up-side, it is well-paid, and I do still enjoy doing it, so it's something I think I could definitely return to if there's work for me here and I need it. I'd also like to try my hand at getting or making some of my own work similar - tour guiding and the like, elsewhere. John and I met a couple who do entertainment work out on the Whitsundaes today; that would be interesting work! Although I'm still not confident in my ability to create work myself; and a lot of that work seems to need singing ability. Better keep practicing that one! Sigh.

Meanwhile, I've worked pretty much every day straight since seeing D-boy off; and I'll probably work right through to the trip to Rocky. 25 days and counting - oh, not that I'm half-eager at all :) It's interesting returning to the work without Dav, and working so hard too - there's a real risk of the work becoming stale, that I've felt particularly in the last week. It's great to have Franz here though, as 'fresh blood' - I did a fantastic show with him tonight, or so I felt, and managed to find some really exciting new stuff with Shires, that re-ignited my desire to keep trying different things with each character. I think I need to be more radical also in my choices, just to stretch my own boundaries a bit more... tonight, just towards the end of the show, I organically found a different 'character' - largely in the physical, and it reminded me of Frank Woodley, randomly. I thought about trying Shires as something a bit more bumbling, caught between Porter and his desire to get them off the hanging, trying to convince Porter - smart in a simple kind of way. So he might appear quite clumsy / simple / honest; but come out with moments of brilliance. To keep looking for the juxtaposition within his character, there's an aim; and to keep looking for the juxtaposition between him and the much more sure-of-himself Mr Hoy. I also need to think about how to stretch Porter in similar (and different) directions... perhaps even just clarifying when he's disbelieving, and when he's actively trying to undermine Shires, and when he's just mucking around?

Very random thoughts, for a post in which I was going to describe my birthday trip!! Despite arranging it, I did NOT get my birthday off, as boat numbers rose and we're ridiculously under-staffed at the moment. I did 3 tours on the island; but then had the Stormbreaker (Trev's yacht) pick me up from the island and went all the way up the river with them, to Sir John's falls. I was excited about the change, and the chance to see parts of the river I hadn't before; however, the night itself wasn't much to talk of, as most of the travel I was either in the kitchen helping Gary (as I did feel obligated to); or it was too dark to see much. Gary did take us for a walk to find the glow-worms up at Sir John's falls - they are tiny little things, and I wonder what makes them glow? He also took me for a walk up to the Gordon Dam Commission hut, behind the falls, which was much prettier to walk in the morning. I didn't get fantastic sleep on the boat; but woke up early, about 5.30, and watched the sun rise over the Gordon. I dashed up to the falls and then down to the beach near the hut, which was definitely worth it just for the reflections of the slowly rising sun and clouds on the perfectly still early-morning water. The run back to Strahan definitely made the trip worth it; the yacht travels relatively slowly, and just glides through the water, especially on days like that one, when the reflections were amazing - the sunrise looked like an impressionist painting in the black water. Some of the rafters that we picked up were really lovely, and I had a long chat to a couple of them, mostly about Sarah Island, but it was kinda fun to realise how much I could give them in terms of information, and actually have ppl genuinely interested ask me questions (as opposed to simply deliver deliver deliver). That was, of course, after I'd climbed to the top of the mast (the only one on the boat to do so!) and sat up there as Lady Jane II sailed past (plenty of photos of me up the mast for the boss; if only I'd managed to keep one! I took one on my phone for evidence, but then washed my phone the other day and now have to buy a new one!!) and as we closed in on Sarah from the river. The trip in general reminded me that I NEED to buy a decent camera; so that has gone on my list of things to shop for while in Brisbane. A mobile phone can't wait til then though - I'll probably order it over the web via Telstra.

The other benefit of the trip back (apart from eating too much!!) was that I got a bit of sun - I'm slowly developing a tan, although it's far from even. I'm trying to get some sun-tanning done on my arvos on the island, although I haven't got any now for at least a week. So hopefully the good weather will last a little longer. I've been soaking up the heat in the last couple of weeks... I wasn't sure, when I got back from seeing Dav off and the weather was miserable, that I'd be able to stand the separation for 7 weeks with BAD weather as well... but I've been lucky and the weather has held. And now it's only just over 3 weeks to go... and yes, I AM counting :)

P.S. I am also the luckiest girl in the world, and got very spoiled for my birthday, by my favourite boy - who not only showered me with gifts, but also sent me a birthday video that made me cry. Thank you my beautiful boy, for making me feel special even in your absence.


Goals for this year:

* Travel O/S to America, UK, Europe and Asia
* Study the SITI summer course in NY (July / August)
* Visit and perform in the Edinburgh Fringe (August)
* Find theatre-related work in the UK and/or Europe
* Backpack with Dav through Europe
* Do a butoh course in Germany
* WOOF in Europe
* See theatre all over the world
* Jump out of a plane
* Take a hot air balloon flight
* Go skiing
* Visit Annabel, Katie, and Uncle George in UK
* Visit Erinn in Indonesia
* Apply for and commit to the Zen Zen Zo Internship
* Keep fit - get down to and maintain 56 kilos.
* Have my eyes lasered so I don't need glasses anymore!
* Learn how to play the guitar
* Learn how to sing in front of other people
* Write and perform my own solo show!!

Longer term goals (2008):
* Become an active member of the Zen Zen Zo ensemble
* Audition for QTC and La Boite
* Get an agent
* Record a voice demo and pursue voice-over work
* Complete GenAm courses
* Travel to LA for the pilot season (research required!)
* Gain further paid film / TV work
* Get at least one paying commercial
* Become qualified for and undertake corporate training as an alternative work source
* Look into children's party hosting; patient simulation; spruiking; voice-over; life modelling; tour guiding - as alternative work sources.
* Write and perform my own solo show!!

Big goals:
* Buy a house (possibly in Tasmania or Victoria)
* Pursue an ongoing working career in film and theatre.
* Cast in a major television drama
* Parts in mainstream feature films
* Work with the Malthouse and MTC
* Work with Bell Shakespeare and/or the Royal Shakespeare Company
* Continue to travel and work and create with D-boy.
* Write and perform my own solo show; and further work!!

Thursday, February 01, 2007

Oh god, I'm turning 25.

Yes, in a matter of weeks, I will be a quarter of a century old. Suddenly I feel like time is slipping away. What happened to being the youngest doing this that and the other? Suddenly I've lost all my 'oh, isn't she cute' charm, and I'm officially into the very average 'mid-20's. Argh! And I haven't even been overseas or jumped out of a plane yet! Well, this year is going to be an adventure year, to make up for the mid-20s downward plunge... maybe I could even jump out of a plane WHILE flying overseas?? ;)

But it does make me think more about my stated goals for this year - I AM going to get overseas, and to travel, 'free as a bird' (ideally); although I have yet to get my visas or book a flight! Ok, Franki, time to get urself motivated on that one... and I do want to give myself a birthday present involving jumping out of a plane (yes, I'm terrified! Isn't that the point?) although it's unlikely to be on, or even near, my birthday... on my birthday I'll likely be working on an island on the west coast of Tasmania, and missing D-boy like crazy. And then missing him again the day after, on Valentine's Day. Silly commercial holiday. So why does it mean so much?

Still, 25 is a big turning point, and I do wish I could spend it with my sis. If only I could convince her to make her way down here. Shoulda bought her fares in the sale... hmm, but then would have to be able to get her away from the business. Speaking of which, I ran into another 2 of her massage clients today on the boats, a Nicole and Andrew. Nicole recognised me simply because of my similar looks... always amusing when that happens!

So anyway, I've just got back to work after my week off, which was much needed... although didn't involve much of a rest! Spent the Wednesday stopping on the way to Hobart, to see Nelson Falls, several lookouts, and The Wall (which is a fairly impressive Huon Pine sculptural project detailing the history of the West Coast, currently in development). Amazing to see the developmental process and the way the artist worked. Thursday we spent at Port Arthur, which I thoroughly enjoyed, and was fascinated to learn about the history of the settlement (especially the parallels in personell and buildings - the much larger solitary prison was very spooky, and Hoy and Lempriere were both there, as was Major Champ (now a commandant, despite his apparent dismissal from Sarah Island! Must look into that one... I do keep wondering how much of what we tell ppl is truth, and how much dramatic licence!!). Dav, however, was very quiet, and I only discovered at dinner that he was not into it at all, but trying to 'support me'. Another case of miscommunication I think. Although I must admit I pretty stubbornly wanted to look around - but Dav had been there before, and for him it was 'work'. We are still learning about how to live with each other! We did have a lovely meal at the local seafood restaurant, and ended up staying in a B&B nearby, so we could go on the Ghost Tour. The ghost tour guide was the best guide of the 3 (we did the Isle of the Dead tour, as well as the Walking Tour; my guess is the number of guides employed means the quality of tour fluctuates). The ghost tour was what it was - entertaining, and quite scary at times, even though I remembered most of the stories from when I was a little girl, but the factual content was minimal. I did think a little bit of fact would have helped the reality of the stories, rather than rough generalisations...

After the tour, we popped in to say hello to Andrew, and were both very glad we'd booked in to stay elsewhere, as he lives directly behind the church at Port Arthur, and had plenty of stories to tell about his house - which only he currently lives in, as all of the other guides refuse to apparently! But it was good to have a drink with him... unfortunately we lost track of time (or I did anyway) and we ended up sneaking back to the B&B at 1am, only to discover we'd kept our host up (oops).

Friday we went back to PA to see Richard's play, which we both enjoyed, although it was a pity they hadn't employed professional actors to play the younger parts (perhaps the audition pickings were slim). The girl who played Charlotte Lempriere was just too young, and obviously only recently out of training, or uni / school. It does make me wonder how we look though, and whether we come across as 'trying' so hard... eek. I need to keep re-evaluating my work...

Friday night we stayed in a hostel in Hobart, and on Saturday we had a quick breakfast walk to Salamanca (which has degenerated into a very mainstream market in the last few years! A little disappointing - not much art and craft going on there at all) before we caught the shuttle to the airport. Then I said goodbye to Dav for 7 and a half weeks, and flew to Melbourne!!! Where I stayed with Annabel, caught up with Ben, Gina, Marc (good to see him at last!! If briefly!) and Kat; went to a movie (The Queen - great just to go to the cinemas, and even better to go to the Como, which has been done up and where u can now drink cocktails at the cinema!); did the photo shoot (with some great images resulting...); saw Ben's Impro show; did 2 auditions (neither of which ended up being successful; but both good experience, and the physical theatre one especially reminded me how much I need to keep practicing the technique of auditioning!); and got my hair cut (about time!).

Now, after a flight, overnight stay at Kathi's and a long bus-trip back to Strahan (thank goodness for the 3 hour stop in Queenstown, where I had my finger treated for an attack by a rabid locker at the bus station! Argh, I can't seem to keep my fingers whole at the moment!) I am back at work. I have to say that coming back, without Dav, is a little bit of a downer - although I'm settling back in now. But I am starting to feel the strain of doing the same thing day in, day out - it's no longer a real challenge, and I do feel a little frustrated at the moment by my inability to be successful in finding a new challenge for after this; or even during this work. I still have to implement a voice-warmup; and to keep challenging myself with warm-up impro before the show; but overall the job is getting a little too familiar... the challenges of a long run, that are new to me. It was nice to play Shires to Richard's Porter tonight, for the first time in a while - that keeps it fresh. And tomorrow I'll go up the river in the arvo, as there's only one afternoon boat... I think I'm going to have to keep inventing ways to keep the tours fresh though, as they too are starting to feel too familiar...

In the meantime, I think I'll get back to practicing some guitar... and missing Dav like crazy!! Only 48 sleeps to go (and only 12 until I'm 25!! eek!!).