Reflections by the sea

Written this afternoon at Ocean Beach:

I'm sitting half-way up a dune, or rather, a sand mountain, with the (much appreciated) sun shining harshly and a gentle touch of the roaring 40's in my hair, watching the waves roll in for miles ans miles. 30 miles long, they say Ocean Beach is (and what an inventive name! But it's what you have to think about first here - the grand mystery that is this huge body of water sitting in front of you). Heemskirk sits to my right, a sleeping monster in the distance. The beach stretches on and on round to my left, right around to the lightouse on the point, interrupted only by the numerous seagulls, the smooth pebbles washed up by the ocean, and the lack ripples on the sand left by the coca-cola sea. It really does feel like I am the only person left on earth right now - and I'm staring straight out across the Great Southern Ocean to South America.

Now that would be an adventure! What a tale to tell - that huge voyage over the sea from here to there. You almost wouldn't think, sitting here looking at that wild vast ocean, that it would be possible. But it was. I will go to South America one day - but I am sitting here, contemplating my last two weeks, and realising that I am already on an adventure. There are points in my life - probably not enough of them, but they are there - when I actually do stop and take stock of where I've come from and how much I've achieved. Six years ago, when I was a shy girl from Bundy, moving to the city by myself for uni, I don't know if I had any idea how independent I could become, or how much I could make happen - how much control I have over my own life, my own destiny. I was always happy to float; to excel at what was in front of me, but only to get it 'right' and not often enough to blaze a trail of my own. And here I am, a trail blazer - all the way from Brisbane to Melbourne, from Melbourne to Strahan, from Strahan to Ocean Beach (a 7-8 km run each way!!). Storing away times like this gives me hope that even when I feel totally down, or trapped, there's always somewhere I can go, a decision I can make, that will change my fortunes again.

So I'm taking a moment to give myself credit for the acheivements I have made. In one sense, they are quite small - I'm no world-class star, and I can't even get an audition for a TV soap. But the things I have achieved, even recently, well, they ARE huge to me. I've had the courage to finally ditch a 'secure' job that I hated, to struggle to do full-time what I love AND make a living out of it. I've fallen in love again, when I wasn't even sure if that was possible. And I've found a boy after my own heart, who's able to let me fly free and trust that I'll return to him (my challenge is always to return that trust!). I've moved away from the big smoke again, to a tiny little town, to do a full-time paid acting gig which no-one on the mainland will notice and which may cut off other opportunities - but which is fantastic training, a totally new adventure, and the longest paid gig I've had to date. And I have apparently achieved the fastest 'turn around' in the job - taking full tours after 5 days here, performing the secondary role in "The Ship" after 3 shows, and last night (2.5 weeks in), managing to pull off Porter, the main role. Ok, so I need to keep brushing up, and I need to do some desperate character work, but today I'm taking full credit for what I have managed to do. And I'm sloly finding acceptance - and maybe even a little 'cred' - in a staunchly 'local' town.

The final challenge for the week is, of course, to do the talk at the Mill tomorrow, so I guess I'd better get cracking on that! But in the meantime, picture me sitting half-way up a sand cliff-face, soaking up the intermitent sunshine and being lulled by the persistent crashing of the waves. What a gorgeous day....

... And now I'm eating an anzac dipped in chocolate (no coconut though! They haven't quite caught on here...) andthinking again of Dav... mmmm.....